So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
