Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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