You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
