Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
