The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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