someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
