Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
