Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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