Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
