margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
