So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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