My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
