if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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