I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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