Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
