sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
