hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
