i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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