I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
