they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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