im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
