I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
