I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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