Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wear drunk well.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
