It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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