Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
