I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
