I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
