Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
