went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
