I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
