I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
