Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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