Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
