Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
