Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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