he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
