butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
