i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
