we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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