thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
