this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
