to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
