but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
