Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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