On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
