Swine flu. Run for my life!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
