What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've blown a few things in my day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
