I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
