Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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