Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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