LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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