Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize