dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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