Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
