so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
