my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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