Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
