I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
