dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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