Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
