still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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