just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
