I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize