I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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