my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
