ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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