Please, let me fuck your mom
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
