You smell like a Billy Joel song
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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