Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
