Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
