...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
