Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize