don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
