You're my little dorito
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
