Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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