Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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