so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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