She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
