The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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