Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
