I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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